violently disabled

people mean a lot of different things when they talk or write about disability.

in a lot of media, charity, and pop culture, disability just means: tiny tim, jerry's kids, wheelchairs, and helen keller as a child learning to spell 'water' (without any acknowledgement of the fact that she later went on to be a deeply radical activist). the representations are usually patronizing, and pretty much preclude thinking about disabled people with descriptives other than heartwarming, or pathetic.

within communities of disabled people, disability rights movements, as well as healthcare institutions that respond to (or sometimes abuse) disabled people, disability generally includes physical disabilities related to sight, hearing, speech, or mobility, learning or cognitive disorders like retardation or dyslexia, or a wide range of chronic physical illnesses which include asthma, pain and fatigue disorders, MS, diabetes, cancer, HIV, and many others. sometimes disability also is understood as including psychiatric disabilities like chronic depression, schizophrenia, dissociative disabilities, post-traumatic stress, anxiety and panic conditions, and also conditions which overlap between "psychiatric" and "cognitive" categories --- like ADD (attention deficit disorder).

some disabilities, like cancer, are conditions which virtually no one would want to experience. others, like autism, are ways of being or having a brain/mind which are simply different, but are treated as problems, and become social disabilities based on ideas about normalcy. some like ADD, are blurry or medically controversial categories which authors like Peter Breggin (author of "Talking Back to Ritalin") argue are a way to ignore the fact that not all children learn the same way, or want to sit in overcrowded, under-staffed classrooms quietly for 7 hours a day. some people who have visual or hearing disabilities, for instance, will assert that they would not choose to gain or re-gain sight or hearing, and point to the good things that may come with having a particular type of body, and learning to negotiate the world without relying on that particular sense (which may mean other senses are strengthened).

to explain this another way: some disabilities are such because they cause people who have them to physically or mentally suffer. some disabilities are such because they prevent people from doing certain things with their bodies which many others can do (like walking). some disabilities are differences labeled as abnormal. an example would be "gender identity disorder", a psychiatric diagnosis used to label people who are transgender or gender variant as "sick". this kind of labeling is also known as "medicalization", taking a social characteristic and labeling it a disease or disorder. some disabilities are really a word for people not adjusting well to problematic or unhealthy circumstances --- in other words giving that person a diagnosis puts the problem on the person rather than the society around them (like with the over-diagnosis of children with ADD).
some disabilities wouldn't cause suffering on their own, except that the world has so many structural barriers that ableism (disability oppression) takes away the ability to live or work or get education or navigate public spaces or participate fully.

the idea of disability is based on an idea of what's normal. we don't say that human beings have flight-disabilities because we can't fly like birds or peter pan. we also don't say that infants are disabled because they can not walk or cook themselves a meal or read. people who can not walk 5 feet are disabled, but people who can not walk 50 miles are presumably just normal people who use mechanical transportation like buses or cars. wheelchairs and scooters are transportation for disabled people. golf carts and motorcycles are not.

but one of the things that's commonly true across most discussions and representations of disability is that we think of of disability as caused by genetics, biology, or by some random circumstantial tragedy, or we just don't talk about where disability comes from at all.

i want to focus now only on the types of disabilities that actually cause pain and suffering --- like injuries and diseases, and on the kinds that take away a sense or physical capacity, so i'm excluding things which are just about the medicalization of difference.

the crux of my argument here is that most of the things that we think of as disability, in this sense --- are often presumed to be the result of genes or random tragedy, but are often, possibly most often --- caused by oppression. examples are:
1) environmental/economic disability: this includes people who develop respiratory illnesses or cancer due to exposure to chemicals and toxins in their neighborhoods and communities, which originate from some sort of industry or corporation. environmental racism describes this problem where it particularly hits poor and working class people, disproportionately people of color or marginalized ethnic groups. the movie "Erin Brockovich" also focused on this kind of pattern.
2) disability as a consequence of domestic violence: domestic violence can certainly cause death --- and if it continues over time, almost always causes either some form of physical disability or injury, or some kind of psychiatric or emotional disability (like post-traumatic stress) or both. it also can contribute to survivors substance-abusing and developing addictions, in order to cope with the pain and trauma, or because they're exposed to it often by abusers. i include chemical or self-injuring addictions, when i think about disability.
3) disability as a result of poverty: the lack of pre or neo-natal care, malnutrition, lack of healthcare through the life course, overwork, work in dangerous or exploitative conditions, lack of adequate shelter, homelessness, lack of access to birthcontrol or safer sex resources --- all of these are outgrowths of poverty, and they weaken the systems of the body, cause exposure to and spread of diseases and prevent their cure, cause avoidable physical injuries, and cause extreme emotional pain. they also trap people in abusive homes (see #2 on this list) and cause people to live in vulnerable geographic areas where they may be more likely exposed to environmental harm (see #1 on this list).
4) warfare and genocide, state violence as a cause of disability: mass violence can injure bodies in a wide range of ways, particularly when you factor in germ or chemical warfare, and torture. wars also cause extreme traumatic stress, and can leave some victims too damaged to work, or have healthy relationships, or navigate the world.
5) disability as a result of medical negligence, malpractice, pharmaceuticals, human experimentation: poorly tested or regulated pharmaceuticals, rotten medical care, untreated or poorly treated diseases, and also the intentional use of humans as pharmaceutical, psychological, or surgical "guinea pigs" can all cause a range of medical problems and disabilities. all of these things involve some kind of class inequity, or profit motive --- there's an economic reason.

i could go on... this is a short list, not really getting into the abuse of prisoners, overwork in capitalist systems and heart disease, agribusiness, pesticides, and genetically engineered foods, and so on. human bodies have an expiration date, built into our cells --- and under the very best of circumstances, if we live long enough, our bodies start breaking down further and further until we die. in other words, under the best of circumstances, we don't live forever in perfect health. but i think we get sicker, more injured, die earlier or under socially created circumstances, or lose quality of life because of oppressions. and i think this is true of most disability --- at least the kind i'm focusing on here.

so all of this leads to the point that people are violently and oppressively disabled in systems of prostitution as well. here's a non-exhaustive list of some of the disabilities and chronic illnesses that can be caused by sexual exploitation and violence in the sex industries:
HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis C, post-traumatic-stress disorder, complex post-traumatic-stress disorder, addiction, dissociative disabilities/disorders, panic and anxiety disorders, HPV (human papilloma virus), herpes, anal or vaginal scarring (which can cause ongoing vulnerability to infection or injury, or more difficult bodily functions), rape trauma syndrome, high blood pressure, insomnia or other sleep disorders, arthritis as a result of repeated injuries, agoraphobia, and a virtually endless list of symptoms that come from curable but undiagnosed or untreated STDs, compromised immunity or damage from exposure, homelessness, and lack of medical care, and injuries at the hands of pimps, tricks, cops, and prison guards.

i've probably met 100 or so survivors of the sex industries at least, and i can't think of anyone i know who's been there, and isn't dealing with something on this list. in fact i think it's exceptional to only be dealing with one or two.

to think about or talk about or organize with and advocate for survivors of sexual exploitation, and to be effective, means recognizing that survivors are virtually universally people who could lay claim to being disabled, although many of us don't identify or claim that word. 'hidden' disabilities in general --- those which aren't visibly identified by wheelchairs, canes or other obvious paraphernalia --- are often entirely ignored, sometimes even within disability communities, so it's not surprising that survivors of sexual exploitation, en masse, don't identify as disabled. but to my mind, disability and illness are one of the primary and most important consequences of sexual exploitation and victimization of people in systems of prostitution. aside from transmittable diseases, and violent physical injuries, it's very much about trauma, pain, grief, horror, terror, shock, prolonged exhaustion, instilled self-hatred and silence. over time, the pain wears down our bodies, fills our sleep with nightmares or negates our physical capacity to relax, makes it hard to care for ourselves, and eventually uses us up. in a sense, it speeds up the physical deterioration process that's part of mortality, while stealing away quality of life. and it's one of the things i find really heartbreaking and unbearable about sexual exploitation, because if you're one of the people who eventually gets out or escapes, it's not as simple as crying for a bit, or getting counseling, and then you have the rest of your life. surviving the sex industries is an ongoing process, battle, struggle: to heal the body, the spirit, the mind, and to find ways to feel and express unbearable and often suppressed memories and feelings, layers thick. and if you can't do all of that well enough and fast enough, the aftermath of the sex industries may basically be the process of dying, a bit later. and if you're also recovering from addictions which have already ravaged your body, and if you're trying to get on your feet economically in ways that may not be sexual violence, but are still difficult and physically demanding or too hard, or if you've already got HIV or another STD --- then even with tons of emotional healing, you still may not have enough physical strength or health left.

most survivors don't get disability assistance or accommodation, or free or affordable medical care or decent counseling, or anything much. we survive because we fight, or if we're lucky--- because someone helps us. we survive in a world that's hostile to disabled people, cruel or blaming towards people in the sex industries, inaccessible, exhausting, expensive, objectifying, violent. we survive as long as we can, and it takes so much energy, and time, and work, and injury, that it doesn't leave much room to be any braver, or stronger, to tell enough of our stories, to be activists or advocates for long or loudly enough. millions of people pass through systems of prostitution, and most are massively abused, and the majority were children or youth when the abuse started. and i'm writing this little blog in a context where there are few organizations run by and for survivors of prostitution, no anthologies by child or youth survivors, very very few public speakers who are 'out' as child or teen survivors, no mass well-organized survivor movements. when i 'come out' to people i know as a kid survivor of the sex industries, i'm usually the first they've (knowingly) met. shame and death are both partial explanations for the relative silence. but disability and the challenges of physical and emotional survival are also a big reason. getting that is really important, both because survivors deserve more resources, more rights, more support, and because to build a movement of survivors who are stronger, healing, healthier, and more capable of resistance and speech and community-building and problem-solving, we have to address our needs as violently disabled people. this means a lot of structural resources, funding, training. and it means creating art, dialogue, memorials, creative and political expression which helps express the enormity of survivor grief and horror, because though not all disability in itself is a tragedy, to be violently, oppressively disabled, to have ones body and psyche damaged, assaulted, and harmed in ways which usually can't be fully undone, is a deep violation which extends past the momentary survival of particular rapes, assaults, and humiliations. the words "post traumatic stress" don't capture this experience very well, especially the "post" part.

shrayberin