violently disabled

people mean a lot of different things when they talk or write about disability.

in a lot of media, charity, and pop culture, disability just means: tiny tim, jerry's kids, wheelchairs, and helen keller as a child learning to spell 'water' (without any acknowledgement of the fact that she later went on to be a deeply radical activist). the representations are usually patronizing, and pretty much preclude thinking about disabled people with descriptives other than heartwarming, or pathetic.

within communities of disabled people, disability rights movements, as well as healthcare institutions that respond to (or sometimes abuse) disabled people, disability generally includes physical disabilities related to sight, hearing, speech, or mobility, learning or cognitive disorders like retardation or dyslexia, or a wide range of chronic physical illnesses which include asthma, pain and fatigue disorders, MS, diabetes, cancer, HIV, and many others. sometimes disability also is understood as including psychiatric disabilities like chronic depression, schizophrenia, dissociative disabilities, post-traumatic stress, anxiety and panic conditions, and also conditions which overlap between "psychiatric" and "cognitive" categories --- like ADD (attention deficit disorder).

some disabilities, like cancer, are conditions which virtually no one would want to experience. others, like autism, are ways of being or having a brain/mind which are simply different, but are treated as problems, and become social disabilities based on ideas about normalcy. some like ADD, are blurry or medically controversial categories which authors like Peter Breggin (author of "Talking Back to Ritalin") argue are a way to ignore the fact that not all children learn the same way, or want to sit in overcrowded, under-staffed classrooms quietly for 7 hours a day. some people who have visual or hearing disabilities, for instance, will assert that they would not choose to gain or re-gain sight or hearing, and point to the good things that may come with having a particular type of body, and learning to negotiate the world without relying on that particular sense (which may mean other senses are strengthened).

to explain this another way: some disabilities are such because they cause people who have them to physically or mentally suffer. some disabilities are such because they prevent people from doing certain things with their bodies which many others can do (like walking). some disabilities are differences labeled as abnormal. an example would be "gender identity disorder", a psychiatric diagnosis used to label people who are transgender or gender variant as "sick". this kind of labeling is also known as "medicalization", taking a social characteristic and labeling it a disease or disorder. some disabilities are really a word for people not adjusting well to problematic or unhealthy circumstances --- in other words giving that person a diagnosis puts the problem on the person rather than the society around them (like with the over-diagnosis of children with ADD).
some disabilities wouldn't cause suffering on their own, except that the world has so many structural barriers that ableism (disability oppression) takes away the ability to live or work or get education or navigate public spaces or participate fully.

the idea of disability is based on an idea of what's normal. we don't say that human beings have flight-disabilities because we can't fly like birds or peter pan. we also don't say that infants are disabled because they can not walk or cook themselves a meal or read. people who can not walk 5 feet are disabled, but people who can not walk 50 miles are presumably just normal people who use mechanical transportation like buses or cars. wheelchairs and scooters are transportation for disabled people. golf carts and motorcycles are not.

but one of the things that's commonly true across most discussions and representations of disability is that we think of of disability as caused by genetics, biology, or by some random circumstantial tragedy, or we just don't talk about where disability comes from at all.

i want to focus now only on the types of disabilities that actually cause pain and suffering --- like injuries and diseases, and on the kinds that take away a sense or physical capacity, so i'm excluding things which are just about the medicalization of difference.

the crux of my argument here is that most of the things that we think of as disability, in this sense --- are often presumed to be the result of genes or random tragedy, but are often, possibly most often --- caused by oppression. examples are:
1) environmental/economic disability: this includes people who develop respiratory illnesses or cancer due to exposure to chemicals and toxins in their neighborhoods and communities, which originate from some sort of industry or corporation. environmental racism describes this problem where it particularly hits poor and working class people, disproportionately people of color or marginalized ethnic groups. the movie "Erin Brockovich" also focused on this kind of pattern.
2) disability as a consequence of domestic violence: domestic violence can certainly cause death --- and if it continues over time, almost always causes either some form of physical disability or injury, or some kind of psychiatric or emotional disability (like post-traumatic stress) or both. it also can contribute to survivors substance-abusing and developing addictions, in order to cope with the pain and trauma, or because they're exposed to it often by abusers. i include chemical or self-injuring addictions, when i think about disability.
3) disability as a result of poverty: the lack of pre or neo-natal care, malnutrition, lack of healthcare through the life course, overwork, work in dangerous or exploitative conditions, lack of adequate shelter, homelessness, lack of access to birthcontrol or safer sex resources --- all of these are outgrowths of poverty, and they weaken the systems of the body, cause exposure to and spread of diseases and prevent their cure, cause avoidable physical injuries, and cause extreme emotional pain. they also trap people in abusive homes (see #2 on this list) and cause people to live in vulnerable geographic areas where they may be more likely exposed to environmental harm (see #1 on this list).
4) warfare and genocide, state violence as a cause of disability: mass violence can injure bodies in a wide range of ways, particularly when you factor in germ or chemical warfare, and torture. wars also cause extreme traumatic stress, and can leave some victims too damaged to work, or have healthy relationships, or navigate the world.
5) disability as a result of medical negligence, malpractice, pharmaceuticals, human experimentation: poorly tested or regulated pharmaceuticals, rotten medical care, untreated or poorly treated diseases, and also the intentional use of humans as pharmaceutical, psychological, or surgical "guinea pigs" can all cause a range of medical problems and disabilities. all of these things involve some kind of class inequity, or profit motive --- there's an economic reason.

i could go on... this is a short list, not really getting into the abuse of prisoners, overwork in capitalist systems and heart disease, agribusiness, pesticides, and genetically engineered foods, and so on. human bodies have an expiration date, built into our cells --- and under the very best of circumstances, if we live long enough, our bodies start breaking down further and further until we die. in other words, under the best of circumstances, we don't live forever in perfect health. but i think we get sicker, more injured, die earlier or under socially created circumstances, or lose quality of life because of oppressions. and i think this is true of most disability --- at least the kind i'm focusing on here.

so all of this leads to the point that people are violently and oppressively disabled in systems of prostitution as well. here's a non-exhaustive list of some of the disabilities and chronic illnesses that can be caused by sexual exploitation and violence in the sex industries:
HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis C, post-traumatic-stress disorder, complex post-traumatic-stress disorder, addiction, dissociative disabilities/disorders, panic and anxiety disorders, HPV (human papilloma virus), herpes, anal or vaginal scarring (which can cause ongoing vulnerability to infection or injury, or more difficult bodily functions), rape trauma syndrome, high blood pressure, insomnia or other sleep disorders, arthritis as a result of repeated injuries, agoraphobia, and a virtually endless list of symptoms that come from curable but undiagnosed or untreated STDs, compromised immunity or damage from exposure, homelessness, and lack of medical care, and injuries at the hands of pimps, tricks, cops, and prison guards.

i've probably met 100 or so survivors of the sex industries at least, and i can't think of anyone i know who's been there, and isn't dealing with something on this list. in fact i think it's exceptional to only be dealing with one or two.

to think about or talk about or organize with and advocate for survivors of sexual exploitation, and to be effective, means recognizing that survivors are virtually universally people who could lay claim to being disabled, although many of us don't identify or claim that word. 'hidden' disabilities in general --- those which aren't visibly identified by wheelchairs, canes or other obvious paraphernalia --- are often entirely ignored, sometimes even within disability communities, so it's not surprising that survivors of sexual exploitation, en masse, don't identify as disabled. but to my mind, disability and illness are one of the primary and most important consequences of sexual exploitation and victimization of people in systems of prostitution. aside from transmittable diseases, and violent physical injuries, it's very much about trauma, pain, grief, horror, terror, shock, prolonged exhaustion, instilled self-hatred and silence. over time, the pain wears down our bodies, fills our sleep with nightmares or negates our physical capacity to relax, makes it hard to care for ourselves, and eventually uses us up. in a sense, it speeds up the physical deterioration process that's part of mortality, while stealing away quality of life. and it's one of the things i find really heartbreaking and unbearable about sexual exploitation, because if you're one of the people who eventually gets out or escapes, it's not as simple as crying for a bit, or getting counseling, and then you have the rest of your life. surviving the sex industries is an ongoing process, battle, struggle: to heal the body, the spirit, the mind, and to find ways to feel and express unbearable and often suppressed memories and feelings, layers thick. and if you can't do all of that well enough and fast enough, the aftermath of the sex industries may basically be the process of dying, a bit later. and if you're also recovering from addictions which have already ravaged your body, and if you're trying to get on your feet economically in ways that may not be sexual violence, but are still difficult and physically demanding or too hard, or if you've already got HIV or another STD --- then even with tons of emotional healing, you still may not have enough physical strength or health left.

most survivors don't get disability assistance or accommodation, or free or affordable medical care or decent counseling, or anything much. we survive because we fight, or if we're lucky--- because someone helps us. we survive in a world that's hostile to disabled people, cruel or blaming towards people in the sex industries, inaccessible, exhausting, expensive, objectifying, violent. we survive as long as we can, and it takes so much energy, and time, and work, and injury, that it doesn't leave much room to be any braver, or stronger, to tell enough of our stories, to be activists or advocates for long or loudly enough. millions of people pass through systems of prostitution, and most are massively abused, and the majority were children or youth when the abuse started. and i'm writing this little blog in a context where there are few organizations run by and for survivors of prostitution, no anthologies by child or youth survivors, very very few public speakers who are 'out' as child or teen survivors, no mass well-organized survivor movements. when i 'come out' to people i know as a kid survivor of the sex industries, i'm usually the first they've (knowingly) met. shame and death are both partial explanations for the relative silence. but disability and the challenges of physical and emotional survival are also a big reason. getting that is really important, both because survivors deserve more resources, more rights, more support, and because to build a movement of survivors who are stronger, healing, healthier, and more capable of resistance and speech and community-building and problem-solving, we have to address our needs as violently disabled people. this means a lot of structural resources, funding, training. and it means creating art, dialogue, memorials, creative and political expression which helps express the enormity of survivor grief and horror, because though not all disability in itself is a tragedy, to be violently, oppressively disabled, to have ones body and psyche damaged, assaulted, and harmed in ways which usually can't be fully undone, is a deep violation which extends past the momentary survival of particular rapes, assaults, and humiliations. the words "post traumatic stress" don't capture this experience very well, especially the "post" part.

shrayberin

Hands Off Liza Maza Campaign

Liza Maza is the GABRIELA Women's Party representative to the Phillipine Congress, and a human rights leader in the Phillipines. in 2003, she sponsored the Phillipine Anti-Trafficking in Persons Act of 2003. recently, the Philippine Government placed Liza Maza and fifty others (including other congresspersons) under house arrest for more than two months until early may, on charges of "rebellion". the Phillipine courts found the charges groundless. however the Phillipine government is planning to re-file charges, and Liza Maza faces future punitive arrests.

click to sign the petition urging the Phillipine government to leave Liza Maza alone, or read more background information first.

shrayberin

Kirstin Lobato gets a new trial

Kirstin Lobato is a young woman in nevada, currently in prison for murder. in may of 2001, she was attacked in a motel parking lot by a man attempting rape. she fought him off, using a knife in order to cut the area of his genitals. when she left, he was alive, though curled up crying. a friend reported the incident to the police a while later. Kirstin didn't report the attack to the police because at the time, she was a stripper, and was using amphetamines, and had the sense to know that she wouldn't receive any kind of help from law enforcement. approximately 6 weeks after Kirstin fought off the attacker, a different, much smaller man was murdered in Las Vegas. at the time of the murder, Kirstin was in Panaca, Nevada, with her parents. the murder victim's genitals had been severed after death, and police decided based on that similarity that she was a suspect. they questioned her, and failed to tell her anything about the body type or timing of the crime--- leading her to believe that the man who had attacked her in may had been found dead. kirstin described her experience, and the police wrote off the many discrepancies between her account and the murder as a result of a "drug-induced haze", despite the fact that kirstin had been drug free for several weeks at the time police questioned her. they arrested her, and then ignored the statements of her parents who, upon learning the date of the crime, immediately came forward to attest to her whereabouts. fast-forward to trial, where Kirstin, reliant on the efforts of a court-appointed public defender who mounted almost no defense, was attacked by the DAs office because she had a history of child sexual abuse. this history was used to make the argument that she must have committed the crime due to a hatred of men.

all of these events are documented by the Free Kirstin Lobato campaign, composed of Kirstin's supporters and friends. thanks to several years of advocacy, and a number of media stories focusing on her wrongful conviction, the nevada supreme court has finally granted her a new trial, beginning september 11 of this year. at this time, she's still imprisoned.

beyond general sloppiness and bungling by detectives and by the DA, kirstin's incarceration wouldn't have happened without a whole set of problematic and oppressive things first being true:

1) people who can not afford good legal representation are routinely left without any real semblance of constitutional due process
2) strippers and other people in the sex industries are suspect, presumed to be criminals
3) fighting back against a rapist is not understood as self-defense
4) the fact of child sexual abuse does not necessarily occasion respect, solidarity, or empathy from juries, for victims --- in fact it can occasion contempt, blame, and retaliation
5) the fact that people in the sex industries self-medicate or use drugs is taken of further proof of guilt or lack of credibility, rather than as evidence that the state is harming economically and/or sexually vulnerable people by driving us into commercial sexual exploitation

the trial is coming soon, and if you're in nevada, it helps to have bodies in the courtroom. there's also more information on her campaign website about donating to kirstin's legal fund, and other ways to support her.

it's hard to figure out how to fully express solidarity with someone who's been sexually abused as a child, survived the sex industries, fought off a rapist, and then been punished for each of those things with years of prison time. the injury the state of nevada is doing to kirstin is vicious and irreparable and most direct. there's also harm to rape victims, sexual exploitation survivors, to victims of oppressive criminal justice systems, to anybody who needs to be able to fight the abuses of our bodies. the only reason that kirstin is getting a new trial, after years of prison, is that she never in fact killed the man in question. there's an underlying and broader message --- that if a sexual assault victim manages to kill an assailant, this is a terrible crime, somehow worse than the rape it stops. the police, the courts have said: escaping a rape is punishable, criminal. and now, in 2006, the court will decide whether or not 5 years is enough time for such a crime.

shrayberin

every time george w. bush says he cares about children we should scream out loud

in his january 2006 state of the union address, u.s. president bush stated:

We show compassion abroad because Americans believe in the God-given dignity and worth of a villager with HIV/AIDS, or an infant with malaria, or a refugee fleeing genocide, or a young girl sold into slavery. We also show compassion abroad because regions overwhelmed by poverty, corruption, and despair are sources of terrorism, and organized crime, and human trafficking, and the drug trade.

the references to girls in slavery and human trafficking build on his prior public championing of the cause of trafficking and sexual slavery.

some visible figures in the anti-prostitution movement have embraced the president's claims, including scholar donna m. hughes, who states:

The president's stated commitment to opposing the global sex trade places the U.S. on the forefront of a new movement for human freedom, rights, and dignity. It was fitting that he made this statement alongside a call for democracy building in Iraq and opposition to terrorism.

i agree with donna hughes that it was "fitting" that president bush compared the u.s. interest in fighting sexual violence to the u.s. interest in democracy in iraq, and opposition to terrorism.

before i move forward with a critique here, i have to stop and think for a moment what it would be like if someone who had billions of dollars at his disposal, who could gain the attention of virtually every media source in the world, who could engineer the passage of laws, who had enormous influence over the praxis of international human rights law and the administration of bodies like the IMF and the World Bank --- were to talk about sexual violence, acknowledge its devastating consequences for girls, and declare that the problem must be fought --- and... here's the crucial part, what would it would be like if i could believe him.

it's a painful fantasy, i tear up a little when i think about it. what would it be like if the people who are in a state of intense consciousness, rage, and clarity about systemic sexual violence and exploitation weren't only people who have been massively brutalized and traumatized and are mostly just busy surviving? what if some of the people who 'got it', felt it, meant it, with all their hearts were presidents? what if that were true right now, and i could think about the rapes of kids and teens in systems of prostitution which are happening right now, this second as i type, and think --- it's going to stop. really. soon. it's ending, it's on its way out. in 2008 or so, sexual exploitation will have decreased by 97%, and communities of politicized people, led and energized and furious with the stories of survivors will be tracking down and confronting those last vestiges. funding will be pouring into previously slashed arts programs and education and healthcare to meet the incredibly glaring and complicated needs of people who have been tortured, to create healing, to extend shortened lives. there'll be vigils and memorials and days and weeks and months of remembrance, which will be massively attended by workers who are no longer busy just making a living because the wealth of institutional pimps and bosses and corporations will be redistributed to actually change the conditions which push so many people into systems of prostitution. and as we proceed with the return of lands to indigenous north american communities, we'll at least have a starting place to confront the racial and economic and cultural histories of annihilation which have swelled the numbers of living beings used as sexual commodities and objects.
i can only begin to fathom what it would mean for children to be safe from incestuous and pedophilic predators who like to play daddy-pimp (there's a freaking reason those two words are associated!) or amateur pornographer. if kids had places to go, and people to tell, and the recognized right to break away from any family which was dangerous or violent, and didn't belong to anyone but themselves. what if there were a president, who wanted all that. who got all that. who needed it like i do.

it's not just that george w. bush is a liar. he is a liar. "americans" as a big whole group do not respect or protect or support human lives, mostly give no thought to malaria, or to slavery of girls in international trafficking rings. iraqis are not receiving democracy from troops with weapons who refer to them with a range of racial and religious epithets. the trafficking victims protection act has resulted in very very few actual prosecutions, and almost no distribution of t-visas to victims, and does not recognize most victims as such anyway. none of this is news to anybody paying attention.

but it's not only the outright lies. it's his certainty that he can appropriate to himself the role of 'crusader for human rights', and use people like me as his symbolic recipients of 'compassion'. rhetoric about cracking down on sex tourists is ludicrous without any attention to u.s. military prostitution, camptowns, and trafficking --- taking place everywhere the u.s. has a goddamn base, which is... everywhere. and talking about stopping sexual slavery while promoting u.s. economic interests or "progress" globally is such an enormous contradiction, it's practically unfathomable. because systems of prostitution feed on economic vulnerability and poverty, and the impoverishment and vulnerability of most of the world is the constant prerequisite for the existence of the u.s. as a military and economic 'superpower'. and for a president who's slashed head start, slashed education, slashed medi-cal, slashed most of the programs which might maintain any quality of life for children who don't happen to be born into very privileged families... for that president to speak in gripping terms about saving children, is a mindfuck of alarming proportions.

for him to use people like me, survivors of systemic sexual abuse and exploitation to bolster his status as a human rights leader --- and to link it to u.s. military aggression in iraq, to the invasion of afghanistan and abuses of other nations and peoples, and the erosion of already compromised civil liberties in the u.s., in the name of fighting "terror"... well like i said, it fits.

so since apparently it falls to someone like me to try to call out president bush on his attempt to appropriate the stories of sexual exploitation survivors, i'm trying out phrases like "how dare you", or various obscenities. but unsurprisingly, it's really hard to imagine an adequate response.

i've been thinking about the way that privilege and power are loud, the ways that people in power are so often sure that they can say virtually anything, tell any lie, take possession of anyone's experience or story and revise it into something unrecognizable --- and be sure that no matter how outrageous, how dangerous, how cruel --- the responses will be soft, too low, too easy to drown out. or that we won't be there to answer at all. especially with people like me, cuz we're presumed to be dead, or else a cowering poster-child, who has few words other than, "thank you for saving me, god bless america".

while i'm navigating in fantasy-land a little here anyhow, i'm thinking about what it would be like, if every time president bush announced that he cares about children, survivors of childhood violence screamed, all at once, as loudly as we could. scream-ins, screaming marches, scream-alongs on the whitehouse lawn. the resulting tumult might bring press, or neighbors, or --- unfortunately --- cops, but whoever it brings, it would be an opening to explain --- i am screaming because president bush is lying about people like me so loudly, and if anyone's going to notice, we've got to make some noise too. and here's what the lies are. and here's why they're so dangerous. and here's how they hurt. and here's how to actually help --- and please don't talk about 'helping' or 'caring' unless you're willing to let the survivors take the lead, and willing to follow through. cuz otherwise, you're just more bad noise. i'm thinking also about what it would be like if every time president bush talked about stopping trafficking, survivors of systems of prostitution screamed, or if our voices or throats are too damaged, thumped, banged, twanged, bullhorned, drummed --- and made such a seriously unavoidable sound that we got at least enough attention to be able to get in a soundbyte, which would be simply: "president bush is an enemy to children, and to victims and survivors of rape".

shrayberin

welcome to life support

life support blog is a forum for and about people who have survived systems of prostitution as children or youth. "systems of prostitution" includes street, brothel, military/camptown, massage parlor, internet-based, escort service prostitution, pornography, stripping, peep shows, live sex shows, phone sex, trafficking, mail order bride rings, or any other form of commercial or systemic sexual exploitation.

i'm creating this blog for a number of reasons:

i'm a child survivor, and have an understanding and analysis of my own experiences, and of the institutions and causes of sexual exploitation.

although child prostitution, pornography and trafficking are sensationalized issues, actual people who've survived systems of prostitution, or the sex industries, in childhood or as teens are mostly unrepresented or 'silent' in public discussion and debate, activism, policy-making, research and scholarship, and various cultural and community discussions about systems of prostitution. the fact that we're mostly a silent/silenced population means that we can be alternately used as convenient symbols by the political and religious right, or virtually ignored by liberal or left proponents of 'sex work' or legalization of the sex industries. there's a real vacuum where survivor leadership, insight, and political criticism ought to be, which this blog attempts to partially, slightly, begin to fill.

i want to acknowledge and particularly express gratitude to the handful of survivor writers (such as Andrea Dworkin and Maya Angelou) who have written publicly about experiences in systems of prostitution. i also want to acknowledge and express qualified appreciation to some of the feminist activists and writers who have challenged victim-blaming stereotypes and taken up the issue of prostitution as gender-based violence. however, there's an absence of writing, visible political activism, or analysis which focuses on children and youth in systems of prostitution, and also engages with all the interlocking oppressions which create sexual exploitation. gender is very important to me, and to this discussion. but i believe that considering gender by itself or in isolation --- without discussion of class and economic oppression, the oppression of children (adultism), ageism, racism, imperialism, disability oppression (ableism), heterosexism, transphobia, the destruction of the environment and of the species of the planet, and anti-semitism --- is also totally inadequate. the idea that oppressions are interconnected is not at all new or my invention. i particularly appreciate Audre Lorde's classic essay, "there is no hierarchy of oppressions". i'm also a big fan of Joanna Kadi's book, Thinking Class, which theorizes how child abuse is a result of oppressions, and of Aurora Levins Morales' essay, "The Politics of Childhood", which analyzes the oppression of children as a basis for learning how to participate in other oppressions. however, there's not a real activist, cultural or literary language or analysis out there which thoroughly applies these ideas to the issue of children and youth in the sex industries. without 'voice', or a way to name, describe, make sense of, or confront systems of prostitution as a product of oppressions, i don't think we have an icecube's chance in hell of making deep, sustainable, healing social change.

i need to acknowledge that this is an enormous challenge, and without devaluing my own insights, emotional intelligence, and knowledge as an individual survivor --- i'm very clear on the fact that i can't do it or even comprehend it all, by myself, or with one blog, or a multitude of blog posts. however, i think this space can be a starting point, and a forum for guest writers/bloggers, mostly survivors who do not have another public space to 'speak' or write as self-identified survivors.

i'm also creating this blog because i'm physically and chronically ill. sexual violence and torture have left me with about a half dozen disabilities and illnesses. i'm pretty sure that the sex industries have shortened my calendar --- and i feel a deep need to write and advocate and organize as much as my health allows, in the time i have. when i write, sometimes it helps my body heal or get stronger, because it releases trauma, and that tends to boost my immunity and energy. so i hope this little blog will help me stay alive longer. although i'm in compromised health --- i'm still alive as an adult, which hasn't been true for too many children and youth in the sex industries. i'm not in the sex industries now, and i'm not substance abusing, and i'm not in an abusive or violent relationship, and i have a home, and a political/activist education as well as a formal education, and there are people in my life who know me, and offer me respect, love and support. and i can write. so i figure for every survivor who's like me, there are about 999 victims or survivors who died young, or who never got out, or who never found a way to speak, or who are actively self-destructing, or who are still regularly getting abused or raped by somebody, or who are incredibly isolated, or who don't have the resources or privilege or time to do anything besides try not to die or to bear up under the weight of depression, complex post-traumatic stress, nightmares and flashbacks, and all the accompanying damage to our bodies and spirits. so... being really in touch with the fact that i'm mortal and fragile... and also being really aware of my own strength, luck, privilege/access, and indebtedness to the people who've helped me survive, i'm starting this blog because i can't afford to wait any longer for it to exist. and because, when i use the word survivor, i'm not just meaning "victim who didn't die". that word connects me to a much broader experience. i am a survivor of a particularly brutal, devastating, life-destroying, vicious process of mass sexual violence, which eventually kills most of the people (and other animals --- in bestiality prostitution) it abuses. without thinking, remotely, that i can speak for everyone, i'm connected to, aware of, many other victims and survivors who can't do what i'm doing here. the word survivor, in this moment at least, means that i'm someone who has organic and intimate knowledge of systems of prostitution, and hasn't (yet) been destroyed, though i've come close. it also means that i've done some healing, that i'm claiming a relationship to life, and that in doing so i've learned some things which can help solve or point to solutions to bigger problems. so i'm writing, and seeking writing from others, because i'm one of the relatively few of us who can.

the blog is named "life support" for a few reasons, which are probably now evident. for me personally, it is, literally. i hope that reading or connecting with what's written here may do something similar for other survivors. i also believe that writing and thinking and conversing about extreme forms of torture and violence is potentially a catalyst for activism, and therefore a necessary part of moving from domination-based social organization or structures which destroy lives and quality of life, to those which support healthy, integral living.

so... here we go. my gratitude to you--- whoever you are, for reading. more posts coming soon: "safety is not a whistle", "violence-based disability", "a list of things which we need so that more victims can heal", "not a sex worker", "the U.S. is a pimp", "thankyou alice walker (read her already!): feminism, race, and the anti-pornography movement", "i really wish sheila jeffreys would stop talking about me: a carefully thought out rant on solidarity with transgender survivors", "everytime george w. bush says he cares about children we should scream out loud"

in struggle,
shrayberin